modernity in tallahassee

Ugh. I am soo hot right now. I am sweating all over, and I can't move or do anything because it will wake up someone. Also, the people on the other side of the wall are hammering nails into the wall, and that is kind of annoying too.

I had five guys for dinner. I have heard amazing things about this place, and then when I finally eat there, all I wanted to do was say "eh. it tastes like a burger". I think I am either spoiled or apathetic. Either way, it can't bode well for me seeing as how everyone I know loves it. Even the god damned vegans. psh.

After dinner I went and played smash brothers. It was a lot of fun. I had forgotten how fun that game actually was, because I hadn't played it in so long. I bet it is even fun by yourself, and that is definitely the best test for a game's playability...alone time. Every game is more fun when you have other people playing it with you. I was 2nd place on almost every round of the game, which isn't bad saying as how I was button smashing the whole time. Hurrah for button smash!

After a few games of Smash, I needed a pick me up(AKA caffeine) so all of us walked to Red Eye cafe. For some reason, the person whos house we were at thought that they lived relatively close to this coffee place. They were mistaken. They lived like 7 blocks away. I know that isn't far to all you city people, but to people who live in Tallahassee in the summer, that is an eternity away. And not to mention really gross after the first two blocks because of the mugginess.

The coffee/chai was good, and after a brief discussion on Russia, Education, and Government leftism, we were wiped, and walked back to my car.

Not bad, not bad.

old/new layout

I changed my layout back to the minimalist drone layout I had before. I am in transition, but until I find one I really love, this is what I am sticking with.

dancing for the heart

So, after I blogged about my awesome/horrific dream about Hogwarts and Voldermort, I had a pretty normal day. My coworker/boss who I help alot is in a conference in Washington D.C. all this week, so I have just been doing really easy work, keeping it light because I know as soon as she gets back I will have tons of stuff to do.

After work, I went to a workout class with my friend called Zumba. Now, I know what those of you who know me are thinking, "this girl, in a latin dance/arobics class?" Contrary to what I thought, I had a lot of fun. It is probaby the first class where it was directed at arobics that I was smiling the whole time. It was sexy, and full of sass, and I definately didn't feel as uncoordinated as some of the ladies in there, but to be fair, I was probably the youngest one there, besides the teaching aide. The teacher was just soo full of energy! Sometimes, you have that instructor who shows you the movements, but then doesn't really do them, and just walks around the whole time "helping you" do your posture or movement. Not this lady. She was bouncing and jumping, and shaking her top and shaking her bottom. It was great.

After I got home, my great boyfriend had already made me some food, which I was very thankful for. I drank some juice, ate the food, and was feeling semi comatose by the time 9:00 rolled around. We tried to watch all of Pan's Labyrinth, but he fell asleep on my belly by 9:30, and I fell asleep by the end of the movie at about 10:30. I was so exhausted.

dreaming of Hogwarts?

OK, so last night, other than getting a crazy amount of sleep, (not good crazy, little crazy), I had the weirdest and most detailed dream I have had in a long time. I dreamt that I was at Hogwarts. I dreamt that I was a student, who went there, but I wasn’t an affiliate to either good or bad. I was curious. I wandered around with the HP gang, but I didn’t really think that they were amazing. Then, something happened, and we angered Voldermort. And he came to the school. But being me, I didn’t run away from him, I sought him out. At first, there was a vapor trail, and then it led me to an unknown corridor, and then I found him. He looked like a mix between the second movie tom Riddle and the fourth movie Tom Riddle. He was intriguing, and he let me in on his ideas and special magic paths throughout the school. He didn’t want to kill anyone; he just wanted to be the best.

It was such a weird dream, to be facinated by this, and to be even thinking about it. Argh. Crazyness.

cleaning out the cobwebs

So, this weekend was pretty good. I helped my coworker decide over which couch to get, and the one that she picked was a brown faux-leather couch ( to work with her pro animal stance). I had a party at my place that was thrown in honor of my roomies birthday. We had a lot of gaming going on for the first bit, but after the pong was broken out, the real chaos began. My roomie found out he is a sevant at playing beer pong, but just not that keen on drinking. Maybe that was his tactic, to avoid drinking the beer at all costs. We also had a pie eating contest ( with no hands allowed), and a pinata full of adult fun stuff. It was a pretty fun party, but after a few hours of doing too many drinking games, I was ready for bed. I also wasn't feeling well to begin with, with a massive eye watering headache, and other physical pains, so drinking didn't help that.

The next morning, my boyfriend went with his family to go scalloping, and because of more headaches and a copius amount of cleaning/errands to do, I didn't go. I instead went and had my car alligned, and my oil filter changed, and all my other fluids toped off, and all that fun stuff... I then spent some time on myself and had my eyebrows tinted and waxed. Now, this is my first time to have eyebrow tinting done, but the change looks really natural, and I am glad I don't have to spend hours a week drawing in color. Then I came home, and cleaned. At this point, I didn't really want to spend time with "the boys" at my house, so I called up the coworker who had just recieved her couch, and we watched last chance harvey. It was either a 6.5 0r 7 out of 10. After getting licked by her dog and laughing at the absurdities of wagging tails and bunny runs, it was past my bedtime, and I went home to find a very sunburned and tired boyfriend.

On Sunday, we woke up and made some coffee, and blueberry pancakes. MMMM. I heart a boy who likes cooking. :) Then we were cheap, and saw an early showing of "The Ugly Truth". This was a pretty cute movie, even to guys (my boyfriend laughed louder than I did at some parts).. I give that movie a 7.5 out of 10. we came home, and I did some cleaning around the house, while he cleaned the scallops that he had caught the day before.

Overall, a pretty good weekend!

First Friday of what?

Yay! It's Friday! which means... that I have no time to do anything because my social engagements take up everything. Argh. :S I don't really mean that. I just have been overwhelmed lately by things I need to do. I need to go and look for things to buy like a mattress, and I need to go and get my car fixed so that it doesn't make funny sounds when I drive it over 65 miles an hour. Those are things I need to do, but all I have been doing on my weekends is sleeping, and eating dinner with families. I know. Whiny me.

At work today, I didn't do a whole lot. I wrote some reports, and organized our grant recipient database, and then made some CD's to send to some experts in the field of epidemiology. All of these things sound WAY harder than what it really is, but then I didn't do anything else after that. Today was just sort of a blah day, followed up with blah weather. I talked to some girl on the elevator ( I should know her name, she works on the same floor as me) and she said that you can always count on Tallahassee for two things, to get you hot and get you sopped. I guess its true today. In other work news, there has been some serious drama going on. There is this one employee who is a little bit slow with how she does things, and so when you ask her to do something, she gets really agitated. I don't really ask her to do anything, but I sure as heck don't forget to double check anything she does. Anyway, I think something sent her over the edge and today she started crying. I think from stress. Poor worker, but really, if you just did something right the first time, this might not have happened? ( Wow, sound like a parent much... good thing I'm not)

As I haven't really been doing anything at work, I have had a lot of time to think of new fun things to do to ALSO occupy my time. One of those things is a book club that my co-worker/friend and I decided to do. It is called Book Club Happy Hour... and you guessed it, it has it's own blog!! www.bookclubhappyhour.blogspot.com Its great. We are starting out with us, and two guys who always debate literature with me. the first book is Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

I hope it all turns out for the better!

Its almost fun!

Today, I am officially nervous. My parents are coming up to see me, meet my boyfriend, and eat brunch with his parents. Oh lordy lordy. I mean, I think I have had other boyfriends where my parents met their parents, but I don’t think that it was like this, where you had to make a special trip to go see them, and ask awkward questions about each other, and things like that. My boyfriend says that he doesn’t really care what my parents think of him, but just knowing that he likes me a lot is good… I don’t really agree with him. I was a nervous wreck meeting his parents for the first time. I wondered what they thought of me, weather they all hated me, if they thought I was weird for living in a foreign land.. all of it. I guess there really isn’t much I can do but be myself ( and him himself) and just work it from there.

In other news, at work today, a few office friends and I got together and decorated our coworker’s car for his birthday. We put paper streamers all over, and balloons, and even put up a poster saying happy birthday and his age for all to see. If that wasn’t enough, we put flyers up in all the elevators with a picture of his head and happy birthday on it. I wonder how many people will laugh, or email him a happy birthday message. It is what we have to do to keep ourselves entertained in our office, and oddly enough, his name is one of the characters of “the office”… hmmmm.. :D

the delay, and others

I don’t know where to start. Basically, I have had an emotional wall come to me and hit me in the face. The problems that I have been putting off for so long have come, and basically reared its ugly head. First of all, there is the problem with my fear of confrontation. I hate it. I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about an argument with someone. Because of this fear, I have definitely let people walk all over me for some time. I don’t like it, but because of my fear, I let it happen anyway. Another problem I have is telling people how I feel. I don’t. I don’t ever feel that what I am feeling is very describable, so I don’t try. I use general facial movements and things like that to try to do it, but I don’t really. This has caused people close to me to try to coax out of me a feeling, or at least a description of one. I am good with saying I am happy, but I don’t know how to say to people that “I am angry, I am ashamed, I am beleagured”. In the same line as this, I also have a problem with asking people for help. This is something I have done forever. My parents commented on it saying that I am an independent person, but dumb sometimes. Most people know when they are in over their heads, but I don’t. I just “keep going” trying to solve the problems in my own, unsuccessful, ways.

These problems all came rearing their head today, and I don’t know if I am emotionally strong enough to try to fix them all at the same time, and yet, if I don’t fix them all at the same time, I wont be able to fix any of them because they are so interconnected. I must tell people I have a problem, which will tell people how I feel, which, in some cases, might be a confrontation. When did I become like this? A mess on the inside? A person would guess that I had been in some emotional trauma like an abusive relationship, or that my past is full of fear and arguments that I will not let happen again, but the real story is much less of a drama. I didn’t have any of that. I did have one bad relationship, but these problems were around before that, and it wasn’t abusive ( the bad relationship), just hard for me. Ugh. Other than emotional problems eating away, I have been having a great time. I was in Ireland for 2 weeks ( pics on facebook if you know who I am ), and it was the best 9 days of my life because of the relaxing nature of the Irish people, and because I was basically just walking around outside in parks and things for 9 days. I love my family, and now that my sister is older, she doesn’t seem to hate me as much anymore, so I don’t think we argue as much anymore, which makes spending extended amounts of time together WAY better. Work is doing well, and while I still have problems with certain aspects of it, I don’t think it’s going to get worse. Hopefully better, but right now I guess status quo is working for me. Speaking of work, I better get back to it.

In narrative form

I looked out my window. The air-conditioner started producing condensation, which was slowly creeping up on my view of the only green I see all day. Behind me, per usual, was my roommate and his friend playing some game on the TV, discussing different button coordination techniques in order to achieve a better level in the game. I sit at my desk, half being productive, half wandering with my mind outside. My mind wanders to the birds in the trees ( who start chirping at a lovely 4:00 AM), the things I need to pack, the garbage I need to throw away.. All of these things seem so menial, and yet, these million things are the only ones I can seem to have running around in my head.

As my new neighbor walks by, I hear her shoes come up the metal walkway to her apartment. I have hoped in vain to have her be a distraction, so that I might be able to think about what really needs to be done. She walks, uneventfully, to her door, and opens and shuts it before I have a chance to play nosey neighbor and look around my curtains.

I am discouraged, and sigh heavily as the symptoms of my slight yet ever annoying cold start creeping up. My head aches, my ear hurts, my throat is scratchy. All I wanted today was cold water for my throat, and for the drilling pain behind my temples to stop. Of course my body would rebel against me when I am to go on a trip soon. Of course. I blow my nose, and give up on the fact that my immune system is not made of super cells, and that I might need some medicine after all. Crap.

After coming back to my desk, the realization that I am going on a trip hits me. I will be away from work, from school, from Tallahassee for 10 days, and yet, all I can think about is how alone I will feel. I won't have someone to share inside glances with when I see something funny. I wont have the comfort of my boyfriend as he pulls me close in the night. All the things I love most about him are the things that I will miss, and it starts to get to me. My head hurts more now, thinking about this, so I turn to something more manageable to think about. Laundry.

time goes by..

I am not sure how this happens, but this weekend/week has probably been the most diverse week I have had all month ( haha, nice how i quantify my answers, yeah?). I could do the usual rundown of my life this weekend, but I think I need to skip around by talking about the most jarring, to the most mundane.


Obvious to me, the most shocking thing that happened to me was that my car was broken into and my rent money ( which was in a locked car, in a glove compartment, in an envelope) was taken. Yeah. Pretty much the big suck of the whole month. I was devastated when I came out to my car at 7:30 AM and saw that my door was open on my car ( which is not normal, I locked my doors that night BECAUSE of the cash), and my window looked jimmied, and my handle was awkwardly up. So I told the cops, which was an ordeal onto itself. It was an ordeal because when I called at 7:45 to call in the theft, I was already on my way to work ( I didn't want to get fired on the same day I got robbed). The officer on the phone was very nice, and told me I had a few options on how to file it. I could either drive back home after I checked in at work, and wait for a cop ( he said this might take all day depending on drive routes and who was available), I could call later in the day and try to file one then at the police station, or I could call the Serveline ( or something of that nice helpful title). I asked what this serveline was, and weather it would get me a file today ( preferably this morning) and he said because it was early, probably. I opted for that answer, so that I could go to work and not have to disrupt my day. I called the number, and got an answering machine, and I left my message. A few hours go by, and no response. I decide to opt for the second option, and go to the station. I am greeted by a rather old and rather abrasive officer lady who tells me that I am not allowed in the back room to file my report, because she is very busy and the only one here today in her department. ( A staffing issue that they need to get fixed) But she does say she will call the lady, and when she is done with some of the reports, that she will come out. I wait 40 minutes before a large lady in a yellow shirt ( later I found out her name...) goes to the desk and says she is going to lunch, and that she cant see whoever it was that needed to see her. WTF. I just wasted my entire lunch waiting for her, and it would take literally 5 minutes for her to take my report. Oh well. She said she would call, but didn't. So at 5:00 PM, I call the station, and ask to file a report and have an officer come to my house. That entire process ( including me driving home) took 24 minutes. Goofy.


So now, because it was the whole rent, I have to come up with 700 dollars rent plus 200 dollars late fee ASAP to pay my rent, because my landlord has conveniently gone incommunicado.

So the next shocking/jarring/exacerbating thing on my list this past week has probably been the parties. I went to a going away party on Friday for my friend C. She is moving up to the Northeast, and then 3 months later, her fiancee is also moving. It was a lot of barb-que ing, a lot of laughing, some drinking ( not really alot) and some hugging. Then the other party I went to was my friend E's birthday party. Her grandma has a pool out back, so we were swimming for what felt like forever ( maybe 3 hours??) and we played apples to apples, and some fun game called werewolf ( which is a lot like a murder mystery game plus balderdash). That was a good night as well.

Then Joe and I went blackberry picking at a "u-pick-em" place 20 minutes outside of town. It was blazing hot outside, with sweat formulating ( or maybe the air just dumping) within 2 minutes of being outside. There were rows of bushes, and between the two of us, we managed to get some of the biggest blackberries I have ever seen, let alone took home. The price wasn't bad ( 8 dollars for 2 quarts of fresh no pesticide berries), but when we stopped off at the grocery store to get lunch meat for the upcoming week, we saw them on sale for 7. Dang.

As you can see, I haven't said everything that has happened this week, but those are probably the top three for excitement, if you can call all of this exciting. Hopefully the next week will be a bit easier, but I doubt that, saying that the 4th of July is right around the corner ( or the river bend for those of you who are Disney inclined)

Prime time tv

so, I guess I haven't blogged in a while, and instead, have been slowly but very surely been turning into what ends up being a 80 year old woman. go figure.

Recently, all I have been doing it seems is finishing my books, and watching movies with friends, and.. yeah. :) Sounds like amazing summer plans, yes?

Yesterday I didn't feel good at all, so Joe and I just went driving instead of being social with friends. I started out with a very yummy latte from my favorite, Red Eye Coffee shop. I still don't understand why this place doesn't have a website, but whatever. After receiving my yumtastic ( that word used just for you hip kids who know me), raspberry latte, we started off down Orange ave, which turned into Capitol Cir, which turned into Tennessee, Which turned into miccosukee. Down miccosukee ( like, a WAYS down it), I found ( with Joe's eyes that actually can see), the Miccosukee land co-op. Its hippie ville. The picture above just shows how they get to one of the houses. It has a sign. haha. There is also signs like "lost ln." and "abby Rd" and things like that. Then he took me to a fish farm somewhere I cannot even remember, and we watched the sun go down. like Hippies. yeah. I don't care. it was awesome.

Today, going in to work at 8:00 Am killed me, and leaving work at 5 did not. After that, I went to see Transformers:revenge of the fallen. I give this movie a C+. It had some wonky sound mixing, and the story line was pretty corny, but the action was non-stop and pretty good special effects. I don't think I could tell what was CGI'ed in, and what was really there and happening.

Now I am pooped.

When love takes over

This video is by David Guetta feat. Kelly Rowland

When love from Erin McClain on Vimeo.

food for thought

This morning, I woke up at around 8:00 AM, a nice leisurely time to wake up on a Thursday. My soft blankets wrapped around me with the cool of the air-conditioner blowing softly around my face. Looking out at the brightness outside, I decided I would go outside, drink my coffee, and read a few pages in the novel that I have been devouring lately. Its a book about storytelling, really, how would I not love this? So about 2 hours go by, my coffee drained, and the thermostat going up in not so small increments. I go back inside to decide what my real breakfast would be. Living with two boys ( basically), I was skeptical that real food was left in my pantry. I opened it and to my pleasant surprise, I noticed that they had not touched the pancake mix. I wasn't really hoping for pancakes, but if it was there, I was going to eat it. So once I got all the mix ready and the skillit sizzeling, I looked in to the fridge, to find raspberries. I had resigned to the fact that the boys had eaten them the moment I brought them in, but they were still there... I was so happy. For those of you who don't know, I love raspberries. I do not love raspberry flavorings ( that are inexplicably blue??), but the real things? Heck yes. I love how they remind me of summer, of good desserts, of everything that is innocent and outdoorsy. It is a good deal for me. I made two pancakes, and put the raspberries on top. It was so decadent and appropriate for the hot balmy days that are typical to Tallahassee. The picture above, I sadly did not take, but it definatly evokes the spirit of what I ate, if food can have a spirit. Talking about spirit here for a moment, I want to diverge into the spirit of adventure. I recently bought tickets for me and my boyfriend to go to Utah to see my parents. It ended up being a trip we couldn't take, so now I have two tickets that are usable for up to a year, anywhere I can use the money to (at 300 bucks, I think I can manage somewhere cool).... so now the question is, when, and where. :) We want to be able to save some money, so we don't have to bum it when we go somewhere, so our when is probably later in the summer, or something like that. I am soo excited.

litmus test of exciting

I don't know if my blogs have been telling lately, but I seem to be quite ready for an adventure. Most of the time, my brain is going to new and unexperienced places, such as randomly searching for exciting new streets in Tallahassee with amazing houses and cool people that will just invite me over for a glass of wine, or a barb-q of epic proportions.

This hasn't happened yet, so I keep my eyes open, and my mind wandering. This week has been a unique example of my desire to do things. If we were to start from last Tuesday, I was directing the Florida Underage Drinking Task Force, which is what the high ups call a "beneficial meeting to discuss a growing problem of society", but what I call "social hour". It wasn't bad, no hiccups, no missed words or rambunctious party members ( thinking house of commons here..), but overall, interesting. Wednesday and Thursday, all I did was try to figure out what to do with myself, because I was getting a little antsy, so I decided to start reading a book. It is called The Shadow of the Wind. Very interesting to me right now because it actually depicts real streets in the Gothic Quarter of Barcelona. It makes me want to go there and walk around, maybe get some tapas. MM. Tapas.

Friday was a pretty chill day at work, and it was my last day of class this summer ( a whole week earlier than the rest of the suckers, I mean, students). This means that I went to 101 lounge with co workers and enjoyed a nice basket of sweet potato fries. and a couple of martini things. Then I went on a walk with Allyson ( who I know doesn't hate me) and showed her the magic of fireflies in the south. Saturday was a beach day with some friends, and although we all got some sun, I managed to scrape out with only raccoon eyes, which is much better than some of my more sun tolerant and tan friends. Then Joe and I went to a pool hall and he celebrated in true Tallahassee fashion his birthday with guy friends. We all joked, and shot bad pool, but it was definitely the "run and swoop" routine that Eric ( a friend of Joe) and I conceived that eventually won us the title for a bit. It also didn't hurt that I wasn't drinking. heh. Sunday was Joe's real birthday, and he relaxed from the revelry, and we ate chinese food, and then we went over to his brothers place with his family, and ate a great dinner. His brother just got a puppy, so that was what I was playing with the whole time, and seriously thought about putting it in my purse, until I remembered I didn't take my purse in. Damn.

Now that I have no classes, I seem to just want to do things, but alas, lack of money hits kids like me hard.

oh well. :D

Picnic in a briefcase

I happened to stumble around the internet at the new Urban Outfitters blog to see what was happening in the "hip" crowd, and i came across this gem. I would totally do this for a friend, or maybe just for myself. Its adorable, especially since inside it is 12 degrees and you know you want to be in the shade of a tree somewhere outside for your lunch....

The whole article on how to make this adorable little picnic in a briefcase is here at http://is.gd/12E5p .

This and other greatness comes from this blog I found http://www.designspongeonline.com/ . It is amazing in its use of pictures, its commentary, and of course its budget wise decoration and DIY ideas.

Catch the semen Trebek

dont hate you, hate me.

I do not hate Allyson Adolphson, I just like to leave work. :)

Yesterday I decided that I was going to start doing things for my body again ( not gross stuff), but just going out and running, or jogging. Thanks to some people blogging and talking about the Couch to 5k workout, I thought that it would be a great way to do some interval training, as well as not going crazy about running and feeling WAY out of shape. I went to my favorite park, which has a 1.3 mile loop in it ( Lafayette Park). I downloaded the podcast that was made by this guy named Robert who was doing it, who obviously knew that I needed music to run along with. Sadly, I did not download the very first one ( good job Erin!), so I had to start on week two. That was rough goings. I made it through it though! But I was very tired afterwards. Oh well. Hopefully Friday I will be able to run it without keeling over on myself. :)

After that, I came home, and all I wanted was to chill out, and read a book. This didn't happen though, because after a nice cool shower, I found out that the show Wipeout was on. Wipeout looks ridiculous to say the least, and really strenuous at that as well. I can understand how the 4' 8" girl wont make it in the wipeout zone, because she simply isn't tall enough or strong enough to do it. It is definitely hilarious though.

This cuts into my summer time...

Ah. This weekend was a bit odd. I had a good time. I saw friends, went to movies and laughed, went to movies and cried, drank chi, ate pizza, grilled out, smiled at the sun on my face, yelled at an inanimate object, became stir-crazy with my apartment, threw pillows, wrote notes for class, wrote blogs for life, started a book, and drank.

While they are mixed up there, they were definitely not mixed in my head, because all weekend, I have felt that something is missing in me. It is like being at a precipice of a hill on your bike, letting gravity pull you down, only to realize the hill down was not very satisfying, and you start looking for other hills to go down on your bike bigger than the one you were on, if only to feel that need of release and of emotions.

I thought that with my girl friends on Friday, this would help me out, because usually a night with the girls wears me out, or at least the people watching and the drinking wears me out. It was a grand night. I missed them. I felt like I hadn't been out in forever. I drank wine at my fav. wine spot ( for now, thanks to Phil), then after I was just over the "tipsy" phase, I drank chi, and saw the movie The Brothers Bloom. It was great. I am sure me being awkwardly drawn in by Adrian Brody didn't help, but I really did. I felt like I was Adrian Brody in the film. Always stuck in someone elses masterfully written con. After that night, I came home, and tried to wrap myself away in the arms and body of Joe. It worked for that night.

Waking up the next day, the frustrations from the day before were compounded into doing something radical... I moved my apartment ALL around. I moved my living room into where my dining room was, and moved my dining room to where my living room was, and moved most of the things that used to be mine in the living room back into my room and moved my room all around. I know. There were too many conjunctions in that description but I had to get it all in once sentence. It felt needed. After yelling at my furniture for the various bruises and scrapes I received, and the illogical wiring of my house, I rested. I took a shower ( a nice hot one to flush thoughts out of my head) and went off to go to a party. The party was goofy. I felt like if I didn't make it the silly lighthearted fest I wanted it to be, it would have been the boring horrible drudgery that Joe thought it was. I felt bad for him, offering him ideas of pleasure, and of mindless self indulgence, if only to make the night better. I think it worked for a bit, until it was vastly too boring for even MY ideas of how to fix. Sleep didn't come easily that night.

After a huge amount of tossing and turning, I woke up. I did my sunday ritual of nothing, followed by the movie The Hangover. ( funny stuff there. I liked it alot).. followed by grilling out with GramHam. :) I liked it. It gave me time to think about what the hell I am supposed to be doing in life. It also gave me time to just think.

Top Gear, amazingness

This show has old history references, slapstick humor, one armed men, and cars. Really? can it get better???

Death Cab Kick...

Death Cab for Cutie - Little Bribes from Ross Ching on Vimeo.

Cath... from Miky Wolf on Vimeo.

movies I want to see...

refugee raft I ride in life

so.  This week, I feel like I have definitely realized that I cannot prolong thinking about the future any longer.  I want the future to come, the house, the job, the kids( yes, kids. I know. little Me's running around and knowing me, I will go crazy at some point), the love, the everything...but right now, I have no plan whatsoever to get there.  I feel helpless, and when I feel helpless, I either get more driven, or I think about all the mistakes I have made up to this point to feel this helpless.  The first choice of course is the one that I usually want to come out, but the second one, where I hyper-analyze my life, is the one that usually does.  I looked at changing majors, I looked at me double majoring, I looked at the semester I went stupid ( or not as good as I am and had to take classes again...), I looked at all that stuff that has lead me to the stupid situation I am in now with school.  

Then, looking at my life, I always seem to pause on all the fun I had, and how many people I came in contact with, either in a job, at parties, or just everything in between.  I have realized that I think I knew about 1/4 of the population of FSU, and of that 1/4, I probably maintained a friendship with 1/16, and then of that "friendship", I probably was really good friends with 1/100, an.. yeah. it gets smaller from there, simply emphasizing my point that I am a hard person to really get to know, and for those of you ( you know who you are) who got to that point, I applaud you.  

This year is also my 5 year HS reunion, which is supposed to take place in Vegas on July 4th??? I am not sure of the exact date, but it is soo crazy to think that 5 years ago, I thought "damn, I can take over the fucking world if I wanted to.. I am out of high school!".  Now all I want to do is go back and feel the stress and then camaraderie that I had with my school mates. I miss Ryan and his crazy outings, I miss Mirinissa and our talks and walks and living at the BX, I miss senior year, with my sexy/crazy boys in the car ( purple beast), but mostly I miss knowing that everyone I knew was in the same boat, and that we were all basically going to get through it because not graduating high school.. not happening.  I guess it just makes me thing of the life stages that everyone is now in, weather its grad school, or ministry, or having babies, or whatever job that they have, and realizing that we aren't in the same boat anymore.

In other news, I was looking at Facebook today, and I came across this article.

This just is crazy stupid high of a score. I really didn't know you could GET a score like that. Stupid.   Also in pop culture, I think this movie is very applicable to what I am talking about.

songs about...amazing

Oren Lavie - Her morning elegance from Maria Blinkova on Vimeo.

Drunk and then...

Last night, I got drunk. Not in the bad way where you don't remember anything and you wake up with a guy you don't know in a place you don't know realizing you have done something you definitely know. No. This was the drunk where I get home, feel nauseated, and then wake up and wishing my body was not in the pain it was, and realize that some of this pain, is caused by my new sneak attack menstrual cycle, and the other half of the pain is caused by my head exploding because of dehydration.

After a nice toast and water combo, I felt way better, and decided the next thing I needed was a chai latte at Red Eye Coffee. :) Drank that up in about 4 seconds. I needed that extra shot of caffeine.

Joe and I then took off in his car for an adventure of the driving sorts, because that's how we roll ( pun intended), and went to follow the newly finished Orange ave. road to wherever it took us. Amazingly, it took us to the biggest houses either one of us has ever seen in the Southwood subdivision. We are talking possibly 6 bedroom monsters. Maybe more. We thought that there should have been a notice saying watch out for rich people.

After thoroughly getting lost ( and having fun doing just that), we found some high schools, and I found my nausiated state getting more and more of a constant. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, we were in front of Beef o' Bradys.

Obviously, a piece of toast and water might be good for the common prisoner, but apparently my belly wants more than that after a night of drinking, and so we ate some amazing sandwiches, and I downed about a gallon of water.

Now, this is where we come in contact with possibly the most bad-ass sport known to colleges, Lacrosse. Today just happens to be the Lacrosse championships, Cornell Vs. Syracuse. Cornell hasn't won any sports title since 1977. Syracuse has won 10 straight titles in Lacrosse. BEST GAME EVER. It was my first time really getting into a sport to yell at it, and scream when people missed shots, and I found out that people can run over other players ( literally RUN OVER), and whack other players with sticks in the face, watch the video if you don't believe me...
Crazy day, thank god for holidays.

Washings and cleanings

Well, as today is just a lazy day number 2 on my 3 day weekend, this is also day 2 on my "doing things I should have been doing a lot lately and am too lazy/entertained by other things to be doing them". This list of things which include favorites like scrubbing the bathroom, also includes laundry. Ugh. Laundry.

Laundry usually isn't something that people who aren't super poor and live in place that has easy access to a machine would whine about, but since I am super poor, and I don't live within walking distance to any Laundromat facility, it is an arduous duty of scouring parking spots and hunting loose change in the sofa to try to get the pants that now stand up on its own clean at last.

Luckily, I have 3 days to do a month’s worth of laundry, and so the task is not as daunting nor excruciatingly boring provided you bring the right book ( mine is The Diviners, which is a 567 episodic mind explosion in an not so good way, but definitely makes time pass) Today was dark bottoms and some towels. Yesterday was light bottoms and underwear, tomorrow are tops; god I am so bad at laundry.

I like going to this cute place called the Laundry Basket, which attracted me not only for its cute title and its relative proximity to TCBY and an interesting hair salon which the owners husband is always outside fixing motorbikes, but also for the fact that it is small, out of the way, and generally cheap and quiet. I like places like this, because the people who go to them are always the offbeat people who are either;

The owners friends and long time customers,
Poor people who live behind the store and need to walk somewhere to wash their 3 shirts and 4 pants,
Offbeat people looking for some tranquility during a mundane task.

Watching the people interact and do laundry, most of who were in their Sunday church clothing was definitely something to do when trying to get through my epic novel.

Since I did so well at the chores needing to be done, I thought, why not, go to Old Navy, treat yourself to some new summer shirts since all of my summer shirts were eaten by my former cat. I get in the store, and realize that there are retarded good sales ( we are talking tanktops for 5 dollars in a plethora of colors, not just neon yellow and indiscript color brown/green. ) So I bought a few, and came home, to realize, that I just bought new clothes, that have to be cleaned.
Bummer.

states of being

Walking around today slowly sipping my Irish coffee, I realized that at this point in my life, I am exactly happy. I am not gleeful and nauseating to anyone who happens to ask how my day is going, and I am not a melancholy or bitter lady who knows more than you and seems to talk about my knowledge and the lack of luck every chance I get. I am simply and exactly happy.
So what does happy entail for someone who is not done with college, is usually broke, and is about as hairbrained as one can be without being labeled blonde? Well, I will tell you that it definately has to do with my boyfriend, who makes me realize that even though I am not barbie, I am still frickin amazing, and that I am quite entertaining in my own right. My happy state also has to deal with my friends being hilariously well-timed and aptly placed in moments of my life.

Whirlwind weekend

Alright. I give up. I am going to come out and say it, and I know a lot of people have thought that I would have said it a long time ago, but I just finally have had enough of the hiding, and so I am going to say it now.
I am crazy.
Heh. Yeah. No one react to harshly to these words, I know they come out of left field ( the best field) but try to take this news in stride.

Hahaha. Ok. I'm sorry, but I was in a puckish mood there for a bit, and now I can get over it, and move on with my real topic, my weekend.

On Friday, I went out with one of my coworkers who is a fellow blogger (read it here) to go see Angels and Deamons. I thought that even though they didn't stick exactly to the book plot, and omitted the "bad guy" in lieu of another bad guy, I think that the pacing, the great score, and the cinematography was soo good that I give it a 7. It definately kept me entertained and told the whole story, so thats always what a movie aims to do, and this one did not fall short.
After the movie, I was still in a sociable mood, because I didn't want to be alone this weekend and bored, so I called an old friend and went to St. Mikes Pub. Now, for those of you who read this and are NOT from the Tallahassee area, this pub has approxamately 40 feet of space in which to cram as many beers as possible in, as well as the token pub chairs and the sort. I went to the bartender to try to order my beer, but found I was not alone ( about 100 people were there), and waited my turn. Since my friend and I were meeting there, I finally got up the the bar and ordered two of my beer, the Optimator. Its a nice sweet beer, and between 10 and 11 percent alcohol. Not too shabby by beer standards.
We meet up, and I give my friend the beer, and we try to squeeze our way to an area that isn't too loud that has an ashtray ( friend is a smoker). As luck would have it, we found a little table, and sat down and talked and laughed and drank our beers in happy company, and I realized how good it was to just talk to people, and to observe a Friday night out where most of the people didn't know who I was. It was really nice.
Of course, after a beer like that, I am ready to go home because I have somehow turned into old mother hubbard and go to bed pretty early. Must be my old age ( 23.. heh).

Saturday, I was ready to go and do things that included caber tossing and haggis... you guessed it, the Scottish Highlander games and Celtic Festival!! but, mother nature was not in an agreeable mood for me to go, because as soon as I pulled on my best looking kilt and knee high socks, it started pouring. Now, I know this should not stop a girl who looks like me, to go see guys who can throw logs 30 feet, but I was still a little wary, and decided against it. I got homework done though, and that is always a good thing.
Later that night, I went over to my couple friends house for some drinks, talking, and just a fun time playing games and not caring about anything. As the hours ware on, and after I learn how to play a game called Munchkin... ( don't ask.. its pretty nerdy), the conversation turned to men and women, and how relationships are based off of one simple yet hard to stick by fact, and that is complete honesty. Honesty about your wants and needs in the relationship, honesty about what your thinking about the other person... just honesty. I realized quickly that this particular group of friends had different opinions about how honest "real honesty" was, and how easy it was for them to tell the other person they were with how they feel... it made me take a step back at myself, and analyze my relationships in the past. Not in a "oh wow, I was a bitch" kind of way, but more of a "wow, I didn't tell this person what I felt, and they probably wanted _____ instead of what I gave them," kind of thing. We live, we learn, we carry on.
Getting home at 5:30 put me in bed, but not before thinking about what my boyfriend was doing at that moment because it was raining hard where I was, and I was hoping that wherever he was, either in a tent or out driving, he was not in this storm.

Sunday, was almost a wash day until later in the night. I woke up at 1:30 PM, and for going to bed when I did, I didn't feel like I was doing any excessive sleeping. I made myself breakfast, and then looked online for some things to get for fathers day. Then I wrote some notes from my homework, and then decided to go out shopping to see if I could find anything else for some birthdays and fathers days... I did not find anything for them, but wanted to buy about 400 things for me. Yay for no money and a moral compass that does not allow me to buy things for no reason. Stupid compass.
After I got home, I found this awesome site that lets you build your own font with your handwriting. YourFonts allows you to write on a template, and then see your handwriting as a font for free, and for not a lot of money, pay to download it to use on your computer. How awesome is that??? The pic obviously shows my font.. I like it.
Then a friend came over, and we talked, played some wicked awesome Guitar Hero, and then caught the later showing of 17Again with Zac Effron. He is super hot, and the movie is super cute. I liked the story alot, and the soundtrack was pretty good for a teenagery movie, even though the girls who were "high school girls" were total sluts. Both my friend and I agreed that we were nothing like that in High school, but we might be if Zac went to our school.... Guilty.

In reflection, I realize that this is not my usual post, and that I should have been comparing the songs I have recently discovered with the ones I used to love, or the new rock climbing route that I dominate at, or something like that, but I just don't have it in me tonight, and I wanted to get at least one normal post out before I become one of the blogs that just has random crap that isn't personal, and has no story to it.
I mean, that's what we have right, an outlet to be personal yet tell a story or a side of ourselves that people might connect to, to read? I hope so.

are you on them?

Working where I work, I come across some interesting stories regarding the reasons behind drug use.  Some of the reasons are not very solidly thought out, such as " my husband thought these would make me less crazy", and others are reasons that would make even the most staunch opponent of drug use consider taking them.  

"The drugs make all the thoughts in my head go at a speed that makes sense" or the ever popular " I can finally relax and not look or act stressed all the time".   

All of these reasons are reasons people take drugs. Some take drugs to be cool, some to be good at things, others to escape the world for a bit, and then there are the select few people who just take drugs just to take drugs...

I don't take any drugs, though the people who know me probably would cite that I drink coffee on a daily basis.... but I do that for taste honestly. I could find caffine in a lot of things and eat/drink them to get that caffine, but I don't.  Other friends would say that maybe if I were on drugs, I might be a (Insert adjetive here) person.   I really dont like altering myself to make me fit any more into society.  I feel that the unique "quirky" personality makes me attractive to a lot of people, and while I don't really know anyone who hates me, I am sure that if they do, its most likely because of my personality...but I know it is not my altered personality, it is simply me.

the difference on pages

Yesterday, I went to Target to try to peruse the aisles for something to jump out as a good birthday gift for my boyfriend. Nothing did, but in my wanderings, I went over to my standby, the magazine rack. Now, just so we dont get ahead of ourselves, I absolutely loathe the fact that "women magazines" have to deal with pregnancy, weddings, hair styles, sex, and fashion. You go over to the "men magazines", and all of a sudden, you get things like, how to take care of yourselves, how to grow your own garden, and political things you need to know to be informed citizens.

Now, I want something that is similar to GQ for women. Right now, GQ is my all time favorite mens magazine. Its sharp, a little crass, very visually stimulating, and all together stylishly sexy.
Do you know of a womens magazine that has all that? I can think of several different magazines doing this, Real Simple can tell you how to grow your own garden, and how to buy a raincoat under 30 dollars, and vogue can tell you how to do your hair for this falls runway show, but I don't know of any womens magazines that tell you " what to expect in '09s politics" .. really???

Why the gender difference? Ergh. I want a magazine that is like vanity fair plus glamour plus real simple put together without having to pay 20 dollars for all three.

on a funky high

So I am on a funny mood rollercoaster these past few days....

sometimes I feel like I could roll around in the grass, and just while away the hours laughing and being so much like a child.

Other times, I feel amazing overwhelmed and crushed by the world around me. Maybe too many anxious thoughts crossing my mind, probably all of them are fake worries, but who has time to discern the fake from the real worries anymore?

I guess I am not as bad off as some of my friends. One of my friends has no job, another one lost his love, and yet another one is almost constantly putting one foot in the wrong direction and wondering what went wrong.

I have not lost my job, or my love, and as far as I can see, I have both feet facing the same direction.. so I think.

I wish I had the freedom to do all the things I thought I had time to do... where do these "free people" work, and can I get a job there right now? I want to be free enough to be able to take a few weeks off and see India, start working on my photography, buy a house, go river rafting ( again), ... oh so many things.

"oh the places you'll go.."

thinking about average

Today I felt average and old.

Not old in the sense that I was aging faster than normal, but in a context to which my habits and routines felt antiquated and out dated.

I woke up wrapped in the encompassing arms of my boyfriend, warmed by his breathing, and comfortably safe. I was invisible to the outside and for a few seconds, that is all that I wanted. Then the buzzing came. First low and far away, like a siren of a far away street. Then the sound grew and pierced my quiet bubble. Stirring, my boyfriend turned his head to the noise, and cursed aloud at the flashing red and blue lights that constitutes my alarm. I put out my arm to hit it, smack it, make it cease, yet I was a few inches away. I resigned to the fact that unless I got out of bed, I would never turn it off.

Once out of bed, out of the warm and safe embrace of my boyfriend, I put on slippers, a robe, and shuffled across my room to turn off the horrible machine. Once off, my senses seemed to overcompensate for a flash of a second and all the world was a thunder of silence. My eyes squinted at the bright light that seemed to find the smallest crack to break the darkness of my room. My nose smelled the air, and realized that I was at least coherent enough last night to turn on the coffee pot.

Turning around, I realized that my boyfriend was no longer in my bed, and that I was alone in my room. Quickly shedding my robe and slippers, I put on clothes, and went into the kitchen to pour two Irish coffees which I knew I would need to get me through the rest of my day.

This whole morning, from every waking moment of it, could have been experienced by any woman with a boyfriend from the last 15 years, and I could have been approxamately 50 years older and had the same morning as well. In retrospect, I think that every routine is a bunch of your averages. It is an average morning, so you do your average thing, and hope for an average reaction to these things, noting that maybe something horrible/ excellent will happen, but keeping that note to yourself and not adjusting your routine to make room for either extreme.

the timing is never right

Recently, I have figured out a few things about myself. I have found that I like mellow music by myself, so that I can close my eyes, and pretend I am outside underneath a canopy of bright stars. I also know that I am a hopeless romantic. I am the girl in the theater who is by herself at a romance movie just to see the happy couples. I am the girl who adores valentines day because seeing so many people do things in the name of "love" gives me hope. I like soft touches in interesting areas, underneath my chin, the side of my hip, a grasp of a few fingers, just to stay connected to the one who is holding you.

All of these things are not bad traits. In fact, I am sure they have made a multitude of movies where the heroine has most of these traits, and everything always ends up quite well for that person...so why not me? Well, there is always the argument that I do not , in fact, live in a hollywood movie. I know that it would be great if I did, because there would always be a hilarious best friend, a nice external running narration of my life, and a dreamy man who has a slight problem that he or I will eventually overcome to live happy together forever ( or so they let us assume). No, I don't live in that world. I also have a timing problem. I cannot seem to find men who ;

A) are close to me

B) do not have a personality flaw that I cannot deal with or

C) are leaving the state/country

I am sure that this bad timing is actually a mechanism that I am born with that will pick the best option for me and give me the greatest happiness down the road, but sometimes I just want someone now. Don't get me wrong, I think with this built in mechanism I shall be the only girl I know that has this great thing.. or is it a great thing?

Until a man passes all three of those requirements, I will be pining over every man I have a crush on. I guess that I cant have my happiness yet... my timing is just a little bit off...