modernity in tallahassee

Ugh. I am soo hot right now. I am sweating all over, and I can't move or do anything because it will wake up someone. Also, the people on the other side of the wall are hammering nails into the wall, and that is kind of annoying too.

I had five guys for dinner. I have heard amazing things about this place, and then when I finally eat there, all I wanted to do was say "eh. it tastes like a burger". I think I am either spoiled or apathetic. Either way, it can't bode well for me seeing as how everyone I know loves it. Even the god damned vegans. psh.

After dinner I went and played smash brothers. It was a lot of fun. I had forgotten how fun that game actually was, because I hadn't played it in so long. I bet it is even fun by yourself, and that is definitely the best test for a game's playability...alone time. Every game is more fun when you have other people playing it with you. I was 2nd place on almost every round of the game, which isn't bad saying as how I was button smashing the whole time. Hurrah for button smash!

After a few games of Smash, I needed a pick me up(AKA caffeine) so all of us walked to Red Eye cafe. For some reason, the person whos house we were at thought that they lived relatively close to this coffee place. They were mistaken. They lived like 7 blocks away. I know that isn't far to all you city people, but to people who live in Tallahassee in the summer, that is an eternity away. And not to mention really gross after the first two blocks because of the mugginess.

The coffee/chai was good, and after a brief discussion on Russia, Education, and Government leftism, we were wiped, and walked back to my car.

Not bad, not bad.

old/new layout

I changed my layout back to the minimalist drone layout I had before. I am in transition, but until I find one I really love, this is what I am sticking with.

refugee raft I ride in life

so.  This week, I feel like I have definitely realized that I cannot prolong thinking about the future any longer.  I want the future to come, the house, the job, the kids( yes, kids. I know. little Me's running around and knowing me, I will go crazy at some point), the love, the everything...but right now, I have no plan whatsoever to get there.  I feel helpless, and when I feel helpless, I either get more driven, or I think about all the mistakes I have made up to this point to feel this helpless.  The first choice of course is the one that I usually want to come out, but the second one, where I hyper-analyze my life, is the one that usually does.  I looked at changing majors, I looked at me double majoring, I looked at the semester I went stupid ( or not as good as I am and had to take classes again...), I looked at all that stuff that has lead me to the stupid situation I am in now with school.  

Then, looking at my life, I always seem to pause on all the fun I had, and how many people I came in contact with, either in a job, at parties, or just everything in between.  I have realized that I think I knew about 1/4 of the population of FSU, and of that 1/4, I probably maintained a friendship with 1/16, and then of that "friendship", I probably was really good friends with 1/100, an.. yeah. it gets smaller from there, simply emphasizing my point that I am a hard person to really get to know, and for those of you ( you know who you are) who got to that point, I applaud you.  

This year is also my 5 year HS reunion, which is supposed to take place in Vegas on July 4th??? I am not sure of the exact date, but it is soo crazy to think that 5 years ago, I thought "damn, I can take over the fucking world if I wanted to.. I am out of high school!".  Now all I want to do is go back and feel the stress and then camaraderie that I had with my school mates. I miss Ryan and his crazy outings, I miss Mirinissa and our talks and walks and living at the BX, I miss senior year, with my sexy/crazy boys in the car ( purple beast), but mostly I miss knowing that everyone I knew was in the same boat, and that we were all basically going to get through it because not graduating high school.. not happening.  I guess it just makes me thing of the life stages that everyone is now in, weather its grad school, or ministry, or having babies, or whatever job that they have, and realizing that we aren't in the same boat anymore.

In other news, I was looking at Facebook today, and I came across this article.

This just is crazy stupid high of a score. I really didn't know you could GET a score like that. Stupid.   Also in pop culture, I think this movie is very applicable to what I am talking about.

thinking about average

Today I felt average and old.

Not old in the sense that I was aging faster than normal, but in a context to which my habits and routines felt antiquated and out dated.

I woke up wrapped in the encompassing arms of my boyfriend, warmed by his breathing, and comfortably safe. I was invisible to the outside and for a few seconds, that is all that I wanted. Then the buzzing came. First low and far away, like a siren of a far away street. Then the sound grew and pierced my quiet bubble. Stirring, my boyfriend turned his head to the noise, and cursed aloud at the flashing red and blue lights that constitutes my alarm. I put out my arm to hit it, smack it, make it cease, yet I was a few inches away. I resigned to the fact that unless I got out of bed, I would never turn it off.

Once out of bed, out of the warm and safe embrace of my boyfriend, I put on slippers, a robe, and shuffled across my room to turn off the horrible machine. Once off, my senses seemed to overcompensate for a flash of a second and all the world was a thunder of silence. My eyes squinted at the bright light that seemed to find the smallest crack to break the darkness of my room. My nose smelled the air, and realized that I was at least coherent enough last night to turn on the coffee pot.

Turning around, I realized that my boyfriend was no longer in my bed, and that I was alone in my room. Quickly shedding my robe and slippers, I put on clothes, and went into the kitchen to pour two Irish coffees which I knew I would need to get me through the rest of my day.

This whole morning, from every waking moment of it, could have been experienced by any woman with a boyfriend from the last 15 years, and I could have been approxamately 50 years older and had the same morning as well. In retrospect, I think that every routine is a bunch of your averages. It is an average morning, so you do your average thing, and hope for an average reaction to these things, noting that maybe something horrible/ excellent will happen, but keeping that note to yourself and not adjusting your routine to make room for either extreme.