First Friday of what?

Yay! It's Friday! which means... that I have no time to do anything because my social engagements take up everything. Argh. :S I don't really mean that. I just have been overwhelmed lately by things I need to do. I need to go and look for things to buy like a mattress, and I need to go and get my car fixed so that it doesn't make funny sounds when I drive it over 65 miles an hour. Those are things I need to do, but all I have been doing on my weekends is sleeping, and eating dinner with families. I know. Whiny me.

At work today, I didn't do a whole lot. I wrote some reports, and organized our grant recipient database, and then made some CD's to send to some experts in the field of epidemiology. All of these things sound WAY harder than what it really is, but then I didn't do anything else after that. Today was just sort of a blah day, followed up with blah weather. I talked to some girl on the elevator ( I should know her name, she works on the same floor as me) and she said that you can always count on Tallahassee for two things, to get you hot and get you sopped. I guess its true today. In other work news, there has been some serious drama going on. There is this one employee who is a little bit slow with how she does things, and so when you ask her to do something, she gets really agitated. I don't really ask her to do anything, but I sure as heck don't forget to double check anything she does. Anyway, I think something sent her over the edge and today she started crying. I think from stress. Poor worker, but really, if you just did something right the first time, this might not have happened? ( Wow, sound like a parent much... good thing I'm not)

As I haven't really been doing anything at work, I have had a lot of time to think of new fun things to do to ALSO occupy my time. One of those things is a book club that my co-worker/friend and I decided to do. It is called Book Club Happy Hour... and you guessed it, it has it's own blog!! www.bookclubhappyhour.blogspot.com Its great. We are starting out with us, and two guys who always debate literature with me. the first book is Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

I hope it all turns out for the better!

In narrative form

I looked out my window. The air-conditioner started producing condensation, which was slowly creeping up on my view of the only green I see all day. Behind me, per usual, was my roommate and his friend playing some game on the TV, discussing different button coordination techniques in order to achieve a better level in the game. I sit at my desk, half being productive, half wandering with my mind outside. My mind wanders to the birds in the trees ( who start chirping at a lovely 4:00 AM), the things I need to pack, the garbage I need to throw away.. All of these things seem so menial, and yet, these million things are the only ones I can seem to have running around in my head.

As my new neighbor walks by, I hear her shoes come up the metal walkway to her apartment. I have hoped in vain to have her be a distraction, so that I might be able to think about what really needs to be done. She walks, uneventfully, to her door, and opens and shuts it before I have a chance to play nosey neighbor and look around my curtains.

I am discouraged, and sigh heavily as the symptoms of my slight yet ever annoying cold start creeping up. My head aches, my ear hurts, my throat is scratchy. All I wanted today was cold water for my throat, and for the drilling pain behind my temples to stop. Of course my body would rebel against me when I am to go on a trip soon. Of course. I blow my nose, and give up on the fact that my immune system is not made of super cells, and that I might need some medicine after all. Crap.

After coming back to my desk, the realization that I am going on a trip hits me. I will be away from work, from school, from Tallahassee for 10 days, and yet, all I can think about is how alone I will feel. I won't have someone to share inside glances with when I see something funny. I wont have the comfort of my boyfriend as he pulls me close in the night. All the things I love most about him are the things that I will miss, and it starts to get to me. My head hurts more now, thinking about this, so I turn to something more manageable to think about. Laundry.

time goes by..

I am not sure how this happens, but this weekend/week has probably been the most diverse week I have had all month ( haha, nice how i quantify my answers, yeah?). I could do the usual rundown of my life this weekend, but I think I need to skip around by talking about the most jarring, to the most mundane.


Obvious to me, the most shocking thing that happened to me was that my car was broken into and my rent money ( which was in a locked car, in a glove compartment, in an envelope) was taken. Yeah. Pretty much the big suck of the whole month. I was devastated when I came out to my car at 7:30 AM and saw that my door was open on my car ( which is not normal, I locked my doors that night BECAUSE of the cash), and my window looked jimmied, and my handle was awkwardly up. So I told the cops, which was an ordeal onto itself. It was an ordeal because when I called at 7:45 to call in the theft, I was already on my way to work ( I didn't want to get fired on the same day I got robbed). The officer on the phone was very nice, and told me I had a few options on how to file it. I could either drive back home after I checked in at work, and wait for a cop ( he said this might take all day depending on drive routes and who was available), I could call later in the day and try to file one then at the police station, or I could call the Serveline ( or something of that nice helpful title). I asked what this serveline was, and weather it would get me a file today ( preferably this morning) and he said because it was early, probably. I opted for that answer, so that I could go to work and not have to disrupt my day. I called the number, and got an answering machine, and I left my message. A few hours go by, and no response. I decide to opt for the second option, and go to the station. I am greeted by a rather old and rather abrasive officer lady who tells me that I am not allowed in the back room to file my report, because she is very busy and the only one here today in her department. ( A staffing issue that they need to get fixed) But she does say she will call the lady, and when she is done with some of the reports, that she will come out. I wait 40 minutes before a large lady in a yellow shirt ( later I found out her name...) goes to the desk and says she is going to lunch, and that she cant see whoever it was that needed to see her. WTF. I just wasted my entire lunch waiting for her, and it would take literally 5 minutes for her to take my report. Oh well. She said she would call, but didn't. So at 5:00 PM, I call the station, and ask to file a report and have an officer come to my house. That entire process ( including me driving home) took 24 minutes. Goofy.


So now, because it was the whole rent, I have to come up with 700 dollars rent plus 200 dollars late fee ASAP to pay my rent, because my landlord has conveniently gone incommunicado.

So the next shocking/jarring/exacerbating thing on my list this past week has probably been the parties. I went to a going away party on Friday for my friend C. She is moving up to the Northeast, and then 3 months later, her fiancee is also moving. It was a lot of barb-que ing, a lot of laughing, some drinking ( not really alot) and some hugging. Then the other party I went to was my friend E's birthday party. Her grandma has a pool out back, so we were swimming for what felt like forever ( maybe 3 hours??) and we played apples to apples, and some fun game called werewolf ( which is a lot like a murder mystery game plus balderdash). That was a good night as well.

Then Joe and I went blackberry picking at a "u-pick-em" place 20 minutes outside of town. It was blazing hot outside, with sweat formulating ( or maybe the air just dumping) within 2 minutes of being outside. There were rows of bushes, and between the two of us, we managed to get some of the biggest blackberries I have ever seen, let alone took home. The price wasn't bad ( 8 dollars for 2 quarts of fresh no pesticide berries), but when we stopped off at the grocery store to get lunch meat for the upcoming week, we saw them on sale for 7. Dang.

As you can see, I haven't said everything that has happened this week, but those are probably the top three for excitement, if you can call all of this exciting. Hopefully the next week will be a bit easier, but I doubt that, saying that the 4th of July is right around the corner ( or the river bend for those of you who are Disney inclined)

food for thought

This morning, I woke up at around 8:00 AM, a nice leisurely time to wake up on a Thursday. My soft blankets wrapped around me with the cool of the air-conditioner blowing softly around my face. Looking out at the brightness outside, I decided I would go outside, drink my coffee, and read a few pages in the novel that I have been devouring lately. Its a book about storytelling, really, how would I not love this? So about 2 hours go by, my coffee drained, and the thermostat going up in not so small increments. I go back inside to decide what my real breakfast would be. Living with two boys ( basically), I was skeptical that real food was left in my pantry. I opened it and to my pleasant surprise, I noticed that they had not touched the pancake mix. I wasn't really hoping for pancakes, but if it was there, I was going to eat it. So once I got all the mix ready and the skillit sizzeling, I looked in to the fridge, to find raspberries. I had resigned to the fact that the boys had eaten them the moment I brought them in, but they were still there... I was so happy. For those of you who don't know, I love raspberries. I do not love raspberry flavorings ( that are inexplicably blue??), but the real things? Heck yes. I love how they remind me of summer, of good desserts, of everything that is innocent and outdoorsy. It is a good deal for me. I made two pancakes, and put the raspberries on top. It was so decadent and appropriate for the hot balmy days that are typical to Tallahassee. The picture above, I sadly did not take, but it definatly evokes the spirit of what I ate, if food can have a spirit. Talking about spirit here for a moment, I want to diverge into the spirit of adventure. I recently bought tickets for me and my boyfriend to go to Utah to see my parents. It ended up being a trip we couldn't take, so now I have two tickets that are usable for up to a year, anywhere I can use the money to (at 300 bucks, I think I can manage somewhere cool).... so now the question is, when, and where. :) We want to be able to save some money, so we don't have to bum it when we go somewhere, so our when is probably later in the summer, or something like that. I am soo excited.

litmus test of exciting

I don't know if my blogs have been telling lately, but I seem to be quite ready for an adventure. Most of the time, my brain is going to new and unexperienced places, such as randomly searching for exciting new streets in Tallahassee with amazing houses and cool people that will just invite me over for a glass of wine, or a barb-q of epic proportions.

This hasn't happened yet, so I keep my eyes open, and my mind wandering. This week has been a unique example of my desire to do things. If we were to start from last Tuesday, I was directing the Florida Underage Drinking Task Force, which is what the high ups call a "beneficial meeting to discuss a growing problem of society", but what I call "social hour". It wasn't bad, no hiccups, no missed words or rambunctious party members ( thinking house of commons here..), but overall, interesting. Wednesday and Thursday, all I did was try to figure out what to do with myself, because I was getting a little antsy, so I decided to start reading a book. It is called The Shadow of the Wind. Very interesting to me right now because it actually depicts real streets in the Gothic Quarter of Barcelona. It makes me want to go there and walk around, maybe get some tapas. MM. Tapas.

Friday was a pretty chill day at work, and it was my last day of class this summer ( a whole week earlier than the rest of the suckers, I mean, students). This means that I went to 101 lounge with co workers and enjoyed a nice basket of sweet potato fries. and a couple of martini things. Then I went on a walk with Allyson ( who I know doesn't hate me) and showed her the magic of fireflies in the south. Saturday was a beach day with some friends, and although we all got some sun, I managed to scrape out with only raccoon eyes, which is much better than some of my more sun tolerant and tan friends. Then Joe and I went to a pool hall and he celebrated in true Tallahassee fashion his birthday with guy friends. We all joked, and shot bad pool, but it was definitely the "run and swoop" routine that Eric ( a friend of Joe) and I conceived that eventually won us the title for a bit. It also didn't hurt that I wasn't drinking. heh. Sunday was Joe's real birthday, and he relaxed from the revelry, and we ate chinese food, and then we went over to his brothers place with his family, and ate a great dinner. His brother just got a puppy, so that was what I was playing with the whole time, and seriously thought about putting it in my purse, until I remembered I didn't take my purse in. Damn.

Now that I have no classes, I seem to just want to do things, but alas, lack of money hits kids like me hard.

oh well. :D

dont hate you, hate me.

I do not hate Allyson Adolphson, I just like to leave work. :)

Yesterday I decided that I was going to start doing things for my body again ( not gross stuff), but just going out and running, or jogging. Thanks to some people blogging and talking about the Couch to 5k workout, I thought that it would be a great way to do some interval training, as well as not going crazy about running and feeling WAY out of shape. I went to my favorite park, which has a 1.3 mile loop in it ( Lafayette Park). I downloaded the podcast that was made by this guy named Robert who was doing it, who obviously knew that I needed music to run along with. Sadly, I did not download the very first one ( good job Erin!), so I had to start on week two. That was rough goings. I made it through it though! But I was very tired afterwards. Oh well. Hopefully Friday I will be able to run it without keeling over on myself. :)

After that, I came home, and all I wanted was to chill out, and read a book. This didn't happen though, because after a nice cool shower, I found out that the show Wipeout was on. Wipeout looks ridiculous to say the least, and really strenuous at that as well. I can understand how the 4' 8" girl wont make it in the wipeout zone, because she simply isn't tall enough or strong enough to do it. It is definitely hilarious though.

refugee raft I ride in life

so.  This week, I feel like I have definitely realized that I cannot prolong thinking about the future any longer.  I want the future to come, the house, the job, the kids( yes, kids. I know. little Me's running around and knowing me, I will go crazy at some point), the love, the everything...but right now, I have no plan whatsoever to get there.  I feel helpless, and when I feel helpless, I either get more driven, or I think about all the mistakes I have made up to this point to feel this helpless.  The first choice of course is the one that I usually want to come out, but the second one, where I hyper-analyze my life, is the one that usually does.  I looked at changing majors, I looked at me double majoring, I looked at the semester I went stupid ( or not as good as I am and had to take classes again...), I looked at all that stuff that has lead me to the stupid situation I am in now with school.  

Then, looking at my life, I always seem to pause on all the fun I had, and how many people I came in contact with, either in a job, at parties, or just everything in between.  I have realized that I think I knew about 1/4 of the population of FSU, and of that 1/4, I probably maintained a friendship with 1/16, and then of that "friendship", I probably was really good friends with 1/100, an.. yeah. it gets smaller from there, simply emphasizing my point that I am a hard person to really get to know, and for those of you ( you know who you are) who got to that point, I applaud you.  

This year is also my 5 year HS reunion, which is supposed to take place in Vegas on July 4th??? I am not sure of the exact date, but it is soo crazy to think that 5 years ago, I thought "damn, I can take over the fucking world if I wanted to.. I am out of high school!".  Now all I want to do is go back and feel the stress and then camaraderie that I had with my school mates. I miss Ryan and his crazy outings, I miss Mirinissa and our talks and walks and living at the BX, I miss senior year, with my sexy/crazy boys in the car ( purple beast), but mostly I miss knowing that everyone I knew was in the same boat, and that we were all basically going to get through it because not graduating high school.. not happening.  I guess it just makes me thing of the life stages that everyone is now in, weather its grad school, or ministry, or having babies, or whatever job that they have, and realizing that we aren't in the same boat anymore.

In other news, I was looking at Facebook today, and I came across this article.

This just is crazy stupid high of a score. I really didn't know you could GET a score like that. Stupid.   Also in pop culture, I think this movie is very applicable to what I am talking about.

the timing is never right

Recently, I have figured out a few things about myself. I have found that I like mellow music by myself, so that I can close my eyes, and pretend I am outside underneath a canopy of bright stars. I also know that I am a hopeless romantic. I am the girl in the theater who is by herself at a romance movie just to see the happy couples. I am the girl who adores valentines day because seeing so many people do things in the name of "love" gives me hope. I like soft touches in interesting areas, underneath my chin, the side of my hip, a grasp of a few fingers, just to stay connected to the one who is holding you.

All of these things are not bad traits. In fact, I am sure they have made a multitude of movies where the heroine has most of these traits, and everything always ends up quite well for that person...so why not me? Well, there is always the argument that I do not , in fact, live in a hollywood movie. I know that it would be great if I did, because there would always be a hilarious best friend, a nice external running narration of my life, and a dreamy man who has a slight problem that he or I will eventually overcome to live happy together forever ( or so they let us assume). No, I don't live in that world. I also have a timing problem. I cannot seem to find men who ;

A) are close to me

B) do not have a personality flaw that I cannot deal with or

C) are leaving the state/country

I am sure that this bad timing is actually a mechanism that I am born with that will pick the best option for me and give me the greatest happiness down the road, but sometimes I just want someone now. Don't get me wrong, I think with this built in mechanism I shall be the only girl I know that has this great thing.. or is it a great thing?

Until a man passes all three of those requirements, I will be pining over every man I have a crush on. I guess that I cant have my happiness yet... my timing is just a little bit off...