refugee raft I ride in life

so.  This week, I feel like I have definitely realized that I cannot prolong thinking about the future any longer.  I want the future to come, the house, the job, the kids( yes, kids. I know. little Me's running around and knowing me, I will go crazy at some point), the love, the everything...but right now, I have no plan whatsoever to get there.  I feel helpless, and when I feel helpless, I either get more driven, or I think about all the mistakes I have made up to this point to feel this helpless.  The first choice of course is the one that I usually want to come out, but the second one, where I hyper-analyze my life, is the one that usually does.  I looked at changing majors, I looked at me double majoring, I looked at the semester I went stupid ( or not as good as I am and had to take classes again...), I looked at all that stuff that has lead me to the stupid situation I am in now with school.  

Then, looking at my life, I always seem to pause on all the fun I had, and how many people I came in contact with, either in a job, at parties, or just everything in between.  I have realized that I think I knew about 1/4 of the population of FSU, and of that 1/4, I probably maintained a friendship with 1/16, and then of that "friendship", I probably was really good friends with 1/100, an.. yeah. it gets smaller from there, simply emphasizing my point that I am a hard person to really get to know, and for those of you ( you know who you are) who got to that point, I applaud you.  

This year is also my 5 year HS reunion, which is supposed to take place in Vegas on July 4th??? I am not sure of the exact date, but it is soo crazy to think that 5 years ago, I thought "damn, I can take over the fucking world if I wanted to.. I am out of high school!".  Now all I want to do is go back and feel the stress and then camaraderie that I had with my school mates. I miss Ryan and his crazy outings, I miss Mirinissa and our talks and walks and living at the BX, I miss senior year, with my sexy/crazy boys in the car ( purple beast), but mostly I miss knowing that everyone I knew was in the same boat, and that we were all basically going to get through it because not graduating high school.. not happening.  I guess it just makes me thing of the life stages that everyone is now in, weather its grad school, or ministry, or having babies, or whatever job that they have, and realizing that we aren't in the same boat anymore.

In other news, I was looking at Facebook today, and I came across this article.

This just is crazy stupid high of a score. I really didn't know you could GET a score like that. Stupid.   Also in pop culture, I think this movie is very applicable to what I am talking about.