This cuts into my summer time...

Ah. This weekend was a bit odd. I had a good time. I saw friends, went to movies and laughed, went to movies and cried, drank chi, ate pizza, grilled out, smiled at the sun on my face, yelled at an inanimate object, became stir-crazy with my apartment, threw pillows, wrote notes for class, wrote blogs for life, started a book, and drank.

While they are mixed up there, they were definitely not mixed in my head, because all weekend, I have felt that something is missing in me. It is like being at a precipice of a hill on your bike, letting gravity pull you down, only to realize the hill down was not very satisfying, and you start looking for other hills to go down on your bike bigger than the one you were on, if only to feel that need of release and of emotions.

I thought that with my girl friends on Friday, this would help me out, because usually a night with the girls wears me out, or at least the people watching and the drinking wears me out. It was a grand night. I missed them. I felt like I hadn't been out in forever. I drank wine at my fav. wine spot ( for now, thanks to Phil), then after I was just over the "tipsy" phase, I drank chi, and saw the movie The Brothers Bloom. It was great. I am sure me being awkwardly drawn in by Adrian Brody didn't help, but I really did. I felt like I was Adrian Brody in the film. Always stuck in someone elses masterfully written con. After that night, I came home, and tried to wrap myself away in the arms and body of Joe. It worked for that night.

Waking up the next day, the frustrations from the day before were compounded into doing something radical... I moved my apartment ALL around. I moved my living room into where my dining room was, and moved my dining room to where my living room was, and moved most of the things that used to be mine in the living room back into my room and moved my room all around. I know. There were too many conjunctions in that description but I had to get it all in once sentence. It felt needed. After yelling at my furniture for the various bruises and scrapes I received, and the illogical wiring of my house, I rested. I took a shower ( a nice hot one to flush thoughts out of my head) and went off to go to a party. The party was goofy. I felt like if I didn't make it the silly lighthearted fest I wanted it to be, it would have been the boring horrible drudgery that Joe thought it was. I felt bad for him, offering him ideas of pleasure, and of mindless self indulgence, if only to make the night better. I think it worked for a bit, until it was vastly too boring for even MY ideas of how to fix. Sleep didn't come easily that night.

After a huge amount of tossing and turning, I woke up. I did my sunday ritual of nothing, followed by the movie The Hangover. ( funny stuff there. I liked it alot).. followed by grilling out with GramHam. :) I liked it. It gave me time to think about what the hell I am supposed to be doing in life. It also gave me time to just think.