Yay! It's Friday! which means... that I have no time to do anything because my social engagements take up everything. Argh. :S I don't really mean that. I just have been overwhelmed lately by things I need to do. I need to go and look for things to buy like a mattress, and I need to go and get my car fixed so that it doesn't make funny sounds when I drive it over 65 miles an hour. Those are things I need to do, but all I have been doing on my weekends is sleeping, and eating dinner with families. I know. Whiny me.
At work today, I didn't do a whole lot. I wrote some reports, and organized our grant recipient database, and then made some CD's to send to some experts in the field of epidemiology. All of these things sound WAY harder than what it really is, but then I didn't do anything else after that. Today was just sort of a blah day, followed up with blah weather. I talked to some girl on the elevator ( I should know her name, she works on the same floor as me) and she said that you can always count on Tallahassee for two things, to get you hot and get you sopped. I guess its true today. In other work news, there has been some serious drama going on. There is this one employee who is a little bit slow with how she does things, and so when you ask her to do something, she gets really agitated. I don't really ask her to do anything, but I sure as heck don't forget to double check anything she does. Anyway, I think something sent her over the edge and today she started crying. I think from stress. Poor worker, but really, if you just did something right the first time, this might not have happened? ( Wow, sound like a parent much... good thing I'm not)
As I haven't really been doing anything at work, I have had a lot of time to think of new fun things to do to ALSO occupy my time. One of those things is a book club that my co-worker/friend and I decided to do. It is called Book Club Happy Hour... and you guessed it, it has it's own blog!! www.bookclubhappyhour.blogspot.com Its great. We are starting out with us, and two guys who always debate literature with me. the first book is Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
I hope it all turns out for the better!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Its almost fun!
Today, I am officially nervous. My parents are coming up to see me, meet my boyfriend, and eat brunch with his parents. Oh lordy lordy. I mean, I think I have had other boyfriends where my parents met their parents, but I don’t think that it was like this, where you had to make a special trip to go see them, and ask awkward questions about each other, and things like that. My boyfriend says that he doesn’t really care what my parents think of him, but just knowing that he likes me a lot is good… I don’t really agree with him. I was a nervous wreck meeting his parents for the first time. I wondered what they thought of me, weather they all hated me, if they thought I was weird for living in a foreign land.. all of it. I guess there really isn’t much I can do but be myself ( and him himself) and just work it from there. In other news, at work today, a few office friends and I got together and decorated our coworker’s car for his birthday. We put paper streamers all over, and balloons, and even put up a poster saying happy birthday and his age for all to see. If that wasn’t enough, we put flyers up in all the elevators with a picture of his head and happy birthday on it. I wonder how many people will laugh, or email him a happy birthday message. It is what we have to do to keep ourselves entertained in our office, and oddly enough, his name is one of the characters of “the office”… hmmmm.. :D
Thursday, July 23, 2009
the delay, and others
I don’t know where to start. Basically, I have had an emotional wall come to me and hit me in the face. The problems that I have been putting off for so long have come, and basically reared its ugly head. First of all, there is the problem with my fear of confrontation. I hate it. I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about an argument with someone. Because of this fear, I have definitely let people walk all over me for some time. I don’t like it, but because of my fear, I let it happen anyway. Another problem I have is telling people how I feel. I don’t. I don’t ever feel that what I am feeling is very describable, so I don’t try. I use general facial movements and things like that to try to do it, but I don’t really. This has caused people close to me to try to coax out of me a feeling, or at least a description of one. I am good with saying I am happy, but I don’t know how to say to people that “I am angry, I am ashamed, I am beleagured”. In the same line as this, I also have a problem with asking people for help. This is something I have done forever. My parents commented on it saying that I am an independent person, but dumb sometimes. Most people know when they are in over their heads, but I don’t. I just “keep going” trying to solve the problems in my own, unsuccessful, ways.
These problems all came rearing their head today, and I don’t know if I am emotionally strong enough to try to fix them all at the same time, and yet, if I don’t fix them all at the same time, I wont be able to fix any of them because they are so interconnected. I must tell people I have a problem, which will tell people how I feel, which, in some cases, might be a confrontation. When did I become like this? A mess on the inside? A person would guess that I had been in some emotional trauma like an abusive relationship, or that my past is full of fear and arguments that I will not let happen again, but the real story is much less of a drama. I didn’t have any of that. I did have one bad relationship, but these problems were around before that, and it wasn’t abusive ( the bad relationship), just hard for me. Ugh. Other than emotional problems eating away, I have been having a great time. I was in Ireland for 2 weeks ( pics on facebook if you know who I am ), and it was the best 9 days of my life because of the relaxing nature of the Irish people, and because I was basically just walking around outside in parks and things for 9 days. I love my family, and now that my sister is older, she doesn’t seem to hate me as much anymore, so I don’t think we argue as much anymore, which makes spending extended amounts of time together WAY better. Work is doing well, and while I still have problems with certain aspects of it, I don’t think it’s going to get worse. Hopefully better, but right now I guess status quo is working for me. Speaking of work, I better get back to it.
These problems all came rearing their head today, and I don’t know if I am emotionally strong enough to try to fix them all at the same time, and yet, if I don’t fix them all at the same time, I wont be able to fix any of them because they are so interconnected. I must tell people I have a problem, which will tell people how I feel, which, in some cases, might be a confrontation. When did I become like this? A mess on the inside? A person would guess that I had been in some emotional trauma like an abusive relationship, or that my past is full of fear and arguments that I will not let happen again, but the real story is much less of a drama. I didn’t have any of that. I did have one bad relationship, but these problems were around before that, and it wasn’t abusive ( the bad relationship), just hard for me. Ugh. Other than emotional problems eating away, I have been having a great time. I was in Ireland for 2 weeks ( pics on facebook if you know who I am ), and it was the best 9 days of my life because of the relaxing nature of the Irish people, and because I was basically just walking around outside in parks and things for 9 days. I love my family, and now that my sister is older, she doesn’t seem to hate me as much anymore, so I don’t think we argue as much anymore, which makes spending extended amounts of time together WAY better. Work is doing well, and while I still have problems with certain aspects of it, I don’t think it’s going to get worse. Hopefully better, but right now I guess status quo is working for me. Speaking of work, I better get back to it.
Monday, July 6, 2009
In narrative form
I looked out my window. The air-conditioner started producing condensation, which was slowly creeping up on my view of the only green I see all day. Behind me, per usual, was my roommate and his friend playing some game on the TV, discussing different button coordination techniques in order to achieve a better level in the game. I sit at my desk, half being productive, half wandering with my mind outside. My mind wanders to the birds in the trees ( who start chirping at a lovely 4:00 AM), the things I need to pack, the garbage I need to throw away.. All of these things seem so menial, and yet, these million things are the only ones I can seem to have running around in my head.
As my new neighbor walks by, I hear her shoes come up the metal walkway to her apartment. I have hoped in vain to have her be a distraction, so that I might be able to think about what really needs to be done. She walks, uneventfully, to her door, and opens and shuts it before I have a chance to play nosey neighbor and look around my curtains.
I am discouraged, and sigh heavily as the symptoms of my slight yet ever annoying cold start creeping up. My head aches, my ear hurts, my throat is scratchy. All I wanted today was cold water for my throat, and for the drilling pain behind my temples to stop. Of course my body would rebel against me when I am to go on a trip soon. Of course. I blow my nose, and give up on the fact that my immune system is not made of super cells, and that I might need some medicine after all. Crap.
After coming back to my desk, the realization that I am going on a trip hits me. I will be away from work, from school, from Tallahassee for 10 days, and yet, all I can think about is how alone I will feel. I won't have someone to share inside glances with when I see something funny. I wont have the comfort of my boyfriend as he pulls me close in the night. All the things I love most about him are the things that I will miss, and it starts to get to me. My head hurts more now, thinking about this, so I turn to something more manageable to think about. Laundry.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
time goes by..
I am not sure how this happens, but this weekend/week has probably been the most diverse week I have had all month ( haha, nice how i quantify my answers, yeah?). I could do the usual rundown of my life this weekend, but I think I need to skip around by talking about the most jarring, to the most mundane.
Obvious to me, the most shocking thing that happened to me was that my car was broken into and my rent money ( which was in a locked car, in a glove compartment, in an envelope) was taken. Yeah. Pretty much the big suck of the whole month. I was devastated when I came out to my car at 7:30 AM and saw that my door was open on my car ( which is not normal, I locked my doors that night BECAUSE of the cash), and my window looked jimmied, and my handle was awkwardly up. So I told the cops, which was an ordeal onto itself. It was an ordeal because when I called at 7:45 to call in the theft, I was already on my way to work ( I didn't want to get fired on the same day I got robbed). The officer on the phone was very nice, and told me I had a few options on how to file it. I could either drive back home after I checked in at work, and wait for a cop ( he said this might take all day depending on drive routes and who was available), I could call later in the day and try to file one then at the police station, or I could call the Serveline ( or something of that nice helpful title). I asked what this serveline was, and weather it would get me a file today ( preferably this morning) and he said because it was early, probably. I opted for that answer, so that I could go to work and not have to disrupt my day. I called the number, and got an answering machine, and I left my message. A few hours go by, and no response. I decide to opt for the second option, and go to the station. I am greeted by a rather old and rather abrasive officer lady who tells me that I am not allowed in the back room to file my report, because she is very busy and the only one here today in her department. ( A staffing issue that they need to get fixed) But she does say she will call the lady, and when she is done with some of the reports, that she will come out. I wait 40 minutes before a large lady in a yellow shirt ( later I found out her name...) goes to the desk and says she is going to lunch, and that she cant see whoever it was that needed to see her. WTF. I just wasted my entire lunch waiting for her, and it would take literally 5 minutes for her to take my report. Oh well. She said she would call, but didn't. So at 5:00 PM, I call the station, and ask to file a report and have an officer come to my house. That entire process ( including me driving home) took 24 minutes. Goofy.
So now, because it was the whole rent, I have to come up with 700 dollars rent plus 200 dollars late fee ASAP to pay my rent, because my landlord has conveniently gone incommunicado.
So the next shocking/jarring/exacerbating thing on my list this past week has probably been the parties. I went to a going away party on Friday for my friend C. She is moving up to the Northeast, and then 3 months later, her fiancee is also moving. It was a lot of barb-que ing, a lot of laughing, some drinking ( not really alot) and some hugging. Then the other party I went to was my friend E's birthday party. Her grandma has a pool out back, so we were swimming for what felt like forever ( maybe 3 hours??) and we played apples to apples, and some fun game called werewolf ( which is a lot like a murder mystery game plus balderdash). That was a good night as well.
Then Joe and I went blackberry picking at a "u-pick-em" place 20 minutes outside of town. It was blazing hot outside, with sweat formulating ( or maybe the air just dumping) within 2 minutes of being outside. There were rows of bushes, and between the two of us, we managed to get some of the biggest blackberries I have ever seen, let alone took home. The price wasn't bad ( 8 dollars for 2 quarts of fresh no pesticide berries), but when we stopped off at the grocery store to get lunch meat for the upcoming week, we saw them on sale for 7. Dang.
As you can see, I haven't said everything that has happened this week, but those are probably the top three for excitement, if you can call all of this exciting. Hopefully the next week will be a bit easier, but I doubt that, saying that the 4th of July is right around the corner ( or the river bend for those of you who are Disney inclined)
Obvious to me, the most shocking thing that happened to me was that my car was broken into and my rent money ( which was in a locked car, in a glove compartment, in an envelope) was taken. Yeah. Pretty much the big suck of the whole month. I was devastated when I came out to my car at 7:30 AM and saw that my door was open on my car ( which is not normal, I locked my doors that night BECAUSE of the cash), and my window looked jimmied, and my handle was awkwardly up. So I told the cops, which was an ordeal onto itself. It was an ordeal because when I called at 7:45 to call in the theft, I was already on my way to work ( I didn't want to get fired on the same day I got robbed). The officer on the phone was very nice, and told me I had a few options on how to file it. I could either drive back home after I checked in at work, and wait for a cop ( he said this might take all day depending on drive routes and who was available), I could call later in the day and try to file one then at the police station, or I could call the Serveline ( or something of that nice helpful title). I asked what this serveline was, and weather it would get me a file today ( preferably this morning) and he said because it was early, probably. I opted for that answer, so that I could go to work and not have to disrupt my day. I called the number, and got an answering machine, and I left my message. A few hours go by, and no response. I decide to opt for the second option, and go to the station. I am greeted by a rather old and rather abrasive officer lady who tells me that I am not allowed in the back room to file my report, because she is very busy and the only one here today in her department. ( A staffing issue that they need to get fixed) But she does say she will call the lady, and when she is done with some of the reports, that she will come out. I wait 40 minutes before a large lady in a yellow shirt ( later I found out her name...) goes to the desk and says she is going to lunch, and that she cant see whoever it was that needed to see her. WTF. I just wasted my entire lunch waiting for her, and it would take literally 5 minutes for her to take my report. Oh well. She said she would call, but didn't. So at 5:00 PM, I call the station, and ask to file a report and have an officer come to my house. That entire process ( including me driving home) took 24 minutes. Goofy.
So now, because it was the whole rent, I have to come up with 700 dollars rent plus 200 dollars late fee ASAP to pay my rent, because my landlord has conveniently gone incommunicado.
So the next shocking/jarring/exacerbating thing on my list this past week has probably been the parties. I went to a going away party on Friday for my friend C. She is moving up to the Northeast, and then 3 months later, her fiancee is also moving. It was a lot of barb-que ing, a lot of laughing, some drinking ( not really alot) and some hugging. Then the other party I went to was my friend E's birthday party. Her grandma has a pool out back, so we were swimming for what felt like forever ( maybe 3 hours??) and we played apples to apples, and some fun game called werewolf ( which is a lot like a murder mystery game plus balderdash). That was a good night as well.
Then Joe and I went blackberry picking at a "u-pick-em" place 20 minutes outside of town. It was blazing hot outside, with sweat formulating ( or maybe the air just dumping) within 2 minutes of being outside. There were rows of bushes, and between the two of us, we managed to get some of the biggest blackberries I have ever seen, let alone took home. The price wasn't bad ( 8 dollars for 2 quarts of fresh no pesticide berries), but when we stopped off at the grocery store to get lunch meat for the upcoming week, we saw them on sale for 7. Dang.
As you can see, I haven't said everything that has happened this week, but those are probably the top three for excitement, if you can call all of this exciting. Hopefully the next week will be a bit easier, but I doubt that, saying that the 4th of July is right around the corner ( or the river bend for those of you who are Disney inclined)
